This is going to sound awful, but I honestly cannot wait for Ramzaan & Eid to be over.
As much as I love these blessed months and festivities time, somehow here in Canada it seems to be a wasted effort. All I've seen people do (myself included) is make a lot of rich, sugary heart-attack inducing food being made and slaved over for hours at a time, only to disappear in ever-expanding guts within minutes. Ive seen people who really should restrict their intake of crapshit fatty foods further increase their intake of said food, and people throw huge parties to feed others (relatives) all in the name to accumulate "sawaab" (blessings).
Honestly, if you really want to rake up your 'sawaab' and have your sins forgiven, feed someone poor EVERY day. Clean your grandmothers' soiled diapers instead of paying someone at the nursing home to do it. That money you say you cannot afford for Zakat - thats the cost of one pair of gold earrings that you don't need to show off at a desi family party. That creamy shit cheesecake that you put in your mouth would look better on someone who does not have poundage of love handles but whose ribcages are showing. That party you throw where you making fried pakoras, fried mushrooms, fried baigaans all day and that you are bitching about... why don't you take that time instead to reading a recipe or cookbook that is not brimming with heart-attacks, diabetes, ulcers and stroke?!
I am so pissed at the hypocrisy involved here. We are encouraged to spend extra time being nice, being good global citizens, to feel the hunger of the hungry and the homeless, and to empathize and we do ANYTHING but. WHERE is the religion that we are taught? WHERE is the goodness being practised? It is disgusting and revolting. Sometimes I am disgusted with myself when I find myself eating stuff and throwing it away because my ever-bloated stomach cannot handle it. I am no preacher, and I am most certainly not the nicest religious person out there, but the one thing I think would be nice here is consistency. I hate how people tell me I must eat well, I must eat good, and while I am eating their version of 'well' (fried pakoras shit) I am told that I mustnt gain weight, and I must do charity throughout this blessed month, but I see the same people gorging on shit, the same people who claim to know the meaning of excess wastage make their lives a waste, the same people with holier-than-thou attitudes land flat on the ground with their fat ass. In other words, the same people who can't tell the difference where your mouth begins and your ass ends... why are they still alive?
Honestly, I was thisclose to shutting down my blog.
I mean, I'm married now. I have no single girl problems. I don't care what anyone says, married-life problems is relatively heaven compared to the trauma I've experienced being a single girl with familial obligations. So WHAT MORE is there to bitch and complain about?
Until I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
And all I saw was a fat Isheeta.
Granted, I was no skinnylattebitch when I met the husband. But I was definitely no teletubbs Isheeta either.
I saw my face in the mirror recently. It looks ROUND. Lisa Ray has an excuse to have a moonface, whats mine?! Marriage! Back-to-back iftaris and dawats. Sitting on my ass all day at work (which I hate too).
My jeans. Before I couldnt get them past these drumstick thighs (sorry fasters), but now I cant even zip them above my legs! I am an embarassment to even all the ghetto superstars out there because my jeans are now the new low riders - the ankle low riders kind.
My relatives seem hell-bent/obsessed in inviting me to every dinner/iftar invite out there, and as a new bride I MUST ATTEND every event, I MUST try the pakoras and biryanis they have made brimming with oil.... so I MUST waddle back to my car afterwards with my hands on my tummy crying out of indigestion. I must have more oil swimming in my tummy now than a small OPEC nation.
Before I met the Man (With the Plan! hahahahhahaa how is that for a nick??), I used to go the gym, religiously. There's all these gym classes after work. That was when my parents were out of the country, so yes, I even ate healthy (relatively). And long weekends were spent ...well, crying, so I even shed water weight.
NOW, I cannot even fit to my loose gypsy skirts. I feel bloated, I feel heay, I feel sleepy and by 10 at night, I am crashed on my bed (not my sofa any more like the good old days... haha)
IS THIS WHAT I HAVE TO SUCCUMB TO AFTER MARRIAGE?! YEH NAHIN HO SAKTA!!!
So I begin to snoop around to see all the newly-marrieds(so called) on fb. Yep, yep, yep. Hot media girl got married, got fat. Another hot guy who is now married - fat (and old). Hot and fat, seem to have merged... not at the same time. Ugh. I got depressed.
I'm making healthy foods, I am I am. But there are people who just don't stop making fatty foods, and there are places to go and they just feed crap and it just makes me cry because a girl cannot live on rabbit food alone either!
Honestly, this Ramzaan thing is not helping either. Not eating for 15 hours, then gorging on anything that moves! If we want to remain slim, the point is to consume low calorie meals in small amounts, not stuff your face with creamy shit and eating crap in large copius amounts. We really should take a lesson from our emaciated, malnourished brothas and sistahs in the 3rd world, and not rub it in their faces.
So I'm joining bootcamp, again.
Can't wait.
Then I'll be happy, and its back to no blog bitching.
One day in early February while I was logged on to a particular social networking site (ahem ahem!), my dad walked in to my room, and asked me what I was doing with my life.
Clearly he wasn't inquiring about my scores on "Who's Got The Biggest Brain?!", so I turned around to face him and asked him what he was talking about.
My dad then started crying and asked me why I was torturing him like this, by depriving him of his core fatherly duties, which is to give away his daughter's hand in marriage.
I was stunned. I did not know what to say. What do you say to your father who is weeping in front of you and begging you to find his version of happiness? What indeed do you say? There was no facebook app to tell you how to carry out this particular function. Could I start with, "Hey dad, I appreciate all your concern, did I mention that I'm really trying, but the fact remains that all guys are stooges and I'm the biggest stooge of them all because I don't even know how to wrap a mere stooge around my pindly stooge-like fingers?"
I felt so helpless. After he left the room, I resumed "Who's Got The Biggest Brain?!", hoping maybe I'd grow extra brain cells if I just kept playing or everything would just disntegrate around me like my scores did (I know, drama queen). When that didn't work, I went back to my dad and told him that he would have his wish. I will go back to Dubai in September, and find a prospect of his choice, and I would not torture my poor dad anymore. (yeah I cried after this too.. I am such a sacrificial drama sap).
A couple of weeks later, I met a guy, who eventually became my husband 5 months later.
That day when the imam pronounced us as husband and wife, my parents' happiness knew no bounds. Only my parents have a funny way of showing their happiness, because all I saw them do was bawl their eyes out instead..... after the ceremony, before the ceremony, crying crying crying. Niagara Falls, much?
I am very grateful that I still get to spend a lot of time with my parents, probably more so than a lot of new brides. This year, I have been diligent in cooking iftar for them all the time. They love it! My mom loves it, but my dad loves it more. They were wondering where this domestic queen was before I got married..haha. So I see them at least once a day because of this and they are happy campers.
Sometimes the husband wants me to spend time with the in-laws too. So one day, I couldn't get to see my parents for 2 days. It was kinda killing me inside, because.. well, I always see my parents, even if it's just watching dumb Indian soaps with them. We finally showed up on my driveway, and there was my dad on the front porch. He had this MASSIVE grin on his face when he saw us get out of the car. The husband asked my dad if he was gardening or watering the plants, and my dad replied, "No, just thinking about and missing my daughter." He said this with a lump in his throat. I think he was almost going to cry.
I just went up to him and hugged him and held back the lump in my throat. I stayed at home for the next few days, and I have never seen my dad SO HAPPY. Even more happier than at the wedding, and I am talking the good kind with tearless happiness.
My car incurred a slight accident in the past few days, so I've been out of a car.. which means my dad has been dropping me off and picking me up every day to and from work. Meanwhile, his hands shake while he drives, he is slow changing lanes, he gets lost.... yet he is still adamant that he does all the driving. When I am home, he wants to hear all the gossip I have to say, he wants to hear me blasting my job, he wants to hear me make fun of everyone. He keeps me company even when I'm just cleaning my room.
This Ramadan is no different for me than the days before I met the husband when I'd fall asleep to tears in my pillow because I felt so helpless. This Ramadan is no different for me than the days after my wedding when I wake up with my husband (no tears on my pillow, just drools instead... poor guy.. MUahahahahahaa!)This Ramadan is no different for me when my parents were away. This Ramadan is no different for me in any way because like every day - past, present and future, I will continue to pray for my parents long-life, health, happiness, and for them being the only people in the world that continue to successfully reduce me to tears at the drop of a hat, just with their generosity and unconditional love for their children.
Credit for this post to goes to my dear, dear friend from Australia, Durga, who made me realize how I must always remember the people who has done so much for us, with this:
Thank you ALL so so so so much for the hearty words of congratulations, they are all very well appreciated (as much as a hearty bowl of mushroom soup right about now.... *slurp*.. fasting.. Ramzaan... near-death...). (I responded to every single comment, see, so really.. thank YOU).
So yes, I am finally married. It only took 4 years of blogbitching about every single male species out there, or lack thereof, but...... hey, I FINALLY did it! It wasn't easy, let me tell you. From battling boredom at blind/coffee/speedating dates to fielding dodgy rishtas/biodatas that the parentals had "conveniently" forgotten to put away (see pages of biodates sitting on the coffee tables for the WORLD to see), its been one helluva ride. I would do it all over again, oh yes, just to experience the feelings of getting all preened up for a glamourous night with a potential suitor ... whatamIsaying, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE TO THE NO, I wouldn't!
Honestly, being single was fun, so I am not knocking it.. but it got stale after a while, like all the pick-up lines and the no-shows and the lacklustre failures. I just needed change.
The wedding was fun. I invited very few close friends, and I had to leave a LOT of other friends out due to time and space and people and sanity considerations., who may or may not be pissed at me. Hopefully next year, when I will go through a BIGGER headache reception, I can invite the rest of the country (and the family across the world).
The popular question making the rounds these days is, "So how is married life?" or "how does it feel being married?" It gets a bit cumbersome at times to say, "Its awesome!" or pretending to look all coy and giggling "tee hee!" but I suppose I will take that any day over "So when are you getting married, beta?"
Being married is really.. peaceful. Honestly, right now the reasons I would recommend getting married is:
the auntijis have finally shut up. I AM NOT AN EPIC Failure anymore, apparently!
my parents are happy
no more dating for me!! <----------HUGE HEADACHE off my life.
HONEYMOON! :) :) :)
Oh and yes I now have a HUSBAND! Thats almost as much as a rush as consuming jars of Nutella.
I know, H.U.S.B.A.N.D! A word as mysterious as the Aurora Borealis. Daaaaamn!
I know everyone has been asking about the pics, and I *think*... not sure... maybe the pics will only be available in password protected sites. I still have to clean them up. I just haven't had the time. If youve forgotten the password, ohboy you are in so much trouble! Haha. Kidding. I'm not sure if I even like the pics, I thought I looked fat, and.. all made up and not even like me. But thats ok, its your job to tell me things I want to hear. If you do not have the password, please shoot me up with a comment, which should have the email address. I also really need to know where you are coming from. Its only fair, just saying.
I have so much more to say. Where do I begin? You know how sometimes you have a jigsaw puzzle, and you spend hours putting it all together, only to realize that you have one piece missing? So you either put it away, intact, hoping that missing jigsaw piece will show up soon... or you take apart the whole thing because you assume it'll show up when you're least expecting it, or you just lose interest in it regardless because its just a puzzle for Pete's sakes and you hate annoying puzzles?!
I tried out all the options, at different stages in my life... but the result was the same. I was clueless. Now, the missing jigsaw puzzle isn't missing anymore.
In a sea of uncertainty, being married gives you that elusive sense of calmness and peace (while single life is exciting and spontaneous and funnnnn too, ok, chill out single friends!).
Sorry about the AWOL.. I have a legit excuse this time.
I was busy getting married (see: website banner). I was getting bored not being stressed enough about work and family and life and spinsterhood in general, so I decided to add a crazy wedding to the mix (mine) to make this summer go by a little faster. Plus I decided that I needed to get fat and what better way to get fat in the shortest amount of time than by being stuffed with mittai by strangers and long-lost-relatives?
Wish me luck, petunias. It's going to get.... interesting? (I dunno, I've never been married before).
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