There's a lady at work who has been pissing me off royally.
You know, I thought that when I get married, auntyji snickers and snide comments would stop. But as we all know by now, problems don't go away.. they just transform and mutate into witches.
So ever since I got married, she has been rubbing it in my face as to when I am going to have kids.
Like hello you dumb snooty lady, the honeymoon bed is still creaking loud and clear, ok?!
So I have been brushing it off albeit politely, because well, its none of her nosy business when my uterus decides to go into overdrive. Also, I have enough emotional drama going on in my life as a newly-wed to start thinking of spewing out babies. This lady, who we shall call RoyalBitchInTheAss for simplicity's sake, is a few years older than me. So yeah, not so much, because last I checked, I wasn't ready to keel over the grave or a will. She also has a teenage son, which means she was married when I was finishing up high school.
So while I was submitting my university entrance applications, this lady was lying in bed with her husband ensuring the survival of her RoyalBitch genes. Her mentality is old-school mentality (read: dumb)
It also seems that this lady is more concerned about my biological clock ticking away louder than my mother is. She's a generally nice funny person when she wants to be, but she is all about herself too. She can be such a catty catty woman. Ugh. I CANNOT stand women who are self-righteous catty snooty little twats. Since I have been married, it seems the number of women who fit into this category have suddenly increased at an exponential scale. I cannot begin to tell you the number of women I have come across who are so downright rude, inconsiderate, and openly back-bite just to get a rise out of you because they cannot stand your happiness, or because they don't have manners, or because thats how BROWN women are - catty, self-absorbent little bitches. NO wonder there are so many single brown people out there! Put together egotistical brown guys, with even more witchy egotistical brown girls, and presto, you have the biggest load of brown shit out there!
I'm sorry, I am not talking about the general brown desi population so you can lay off those pitchforks, I am talking about the few brown people/stereotypes out there who ruin it for all of us. Like that lady at work.
Yesterday I was really hungry and I didn't want to go to the vending machine, so RoyalBitchInTheAss offered me some grapes. I offered her my thanks and tell her that the grapes are a better alternative than the chocolate because I am trying to workout and eat healthy and lose weight. Then she asks me when I am going to have kids, because according to her, I AM GETTING OLD and I only have a few years left, and I shouldnt wait. I was almost tempted to yell at her very loudly that I had no intention of bringing any kids into this world who would be subjected to walking excrement like her. But I didn't. I just said that I was waiting till after my reception. She bulldozes that information then she proceeds to ask me how old I am. I add a few years to my age just to piss her off, and she goes, oh you must have some kids NOW, tut-tuting along.
I hope this lady dies.
I'm sorry there is no other way of making me feel better, than hopefully be present at her immediate and sudden demise. Which I also hope will be long and painful.
Today, while I was admiring one of my other good friends at work and how great she looked in those skinny jeans, RoyalBitchInTheAss goes, "well you better do something about it then!"
By this time, I am ready to fly in a rage, so I yell at her, "RoyalBitchInTheAss, why are you so mean?! You are so damned mean!"
RoyalBitchInTheAss responds, "thats how you're gonna get to it, you're gonna be inspired!"
I tell her, "Skinny jeans thinks the same way, but she isn't mean about it! You're like one of those mean auntijis that I hate and avoid at parties because they can't keep their mouth shut!"
RoyalBitchInTheAss is shocked, then responds, cutely, nicely "I gave you grapes!"
I wanted to tell her that she could shove her grapes up her ass for all I care, but then.. it was the longest 2 seconds of my life. I knew this was damage control, and I didnt want to cause a bigger scene than what I was already causing, so I said, also cutely, "fine!"
I was seething. Livid. Ready to explode.
Why are women like this?! If guys fought, they would FightClub this out. Sometimes I wish I was a guy.
Then I went back to work, and googled for online voodoo curses. Then I remembered they're haram. Then I went back to my work. again.
She later came up to me, to apologize. She asked me if I was still mad at her, and then she said that she understood, it is hard to lose weight. Really?! REALLY, you piece of jackass flostrum? Do you really understand my emotions and why I got harakiri on you, because if you really do understand, hallelluah there is hope that you are not going to die a lonely and miserable death!
Instead of freaking out at her and bitch-slapping her like I had imagined, and yelling at her that I hated her guts.... I just got a little teary and lumpythroatish (??????????? who knows, I don't know?!!?!!) and told her that we are cool. I am such a girl. I (almost) cry at everything!
It's not cool. I feel like such a sell-out. I was supposed to yank her hair, have her ass-whopped by a crocodile while a wild animal was gouging her eyes out, then toss her around like pigskin in a field of burly football players. Instead because I didn't want any drama, I said its cool.
It is not ok. I cannot stand people who think they know it all and go out of their way to make others feel like shit because it makes them feel good, pretending they are nice later on. Did I mention I have come across SO MANY OF THESE in the last 3 months?! It is like the floodgates of evil women have opened. I cannot believe women can be so catty and so bitchy. Clearly I have not hung around enough women like I thought I did. I so prefer guys to women at this rate. If a guy hates you, he tells you. He yells at you so you never want to go back to him. If a girl hates you, she will candycoat her insults, so you can go back to her again and again to be insulted. No different than domestic abuse. What the hell?! I am not speaking for all women, I am speaking of the women who have the ability to do this, and do it simply because they believe they can get away with it.
So rather than being a similar worst snooty, inconsiderate, self-righteous, selfish catty little bitch out there, I let her get away with it and decided to be the biggest sappiest doormat out there.
I still hope she suffers a miserable existence. or death. i'm not picky.
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