So my pregnant lady friend at work is due any day. Everyone at work has been asking her if she is excited about this big day.
Excited? Hello? Do I work with professional drug addicts who don't know which way their ass is pooing?
I've never given birth, but I'm pretty sure even I wouldn't call having a golf ball the size of Jupiter come out of your ladyparts as "exciting". In fact, I'm sure it would fit into the category of "excruciating hell-on-earth-like painful". I'm sure women who have given birth would call my description fitting, but they might claim I am understating this pain (I forfeit that round, pregnant females of planet Earth).
Everyone's also been offering her suggestions as to what to name the baby (girl). Since the mummy is hoping her baby will be a strong independent, headstrong woman, I have suggested that the baby's name be... wait for this..
.
.
.
Oprah.
:D
One of a kind, yes?
Then she can get on the Oprah show one day, and be Oprah's adopted child, review books like Oprah (turn the pity card around when the author you reviewed was a liar), and who knows, maybe even get to meet Tom Cruise as he bounces on your sofa like a lovesick psycho puppy!
