Intangible Love

You know what's the best part about liking someone who doesn't live in the same city as you?

The fact that *when* you know when it's going to be over (cuz lets face it... it will), every other dessert lounge/coffee bar/movie/favourite romantic spot that you have NOT frequented in town will NOT remind you of him. Because you guys never spent that precious time doing all those favourite things that normal couples take for granted.

Your memories have nothing to do with sharing that waffle cone of Jamoca Almond Fudge from Baskin Robbins.
Your memories do not entail you crying over that chick flick rental on a rainy night while he helped himself to some extra salsa and pizza.
Your memories did not involve subjecting that poor guy to endless hours of prime-time shopping companion on a Saturday afternoon.
Your memories do not compromise of you two sitting in front of the lake at the Harbourfront while you debated the merits of something silly like why cupcakes taste better when they have frosting.

What you did instead is spend endless weeknights talking on AIM.
What you did is giggle every time your Nokia phone let out that standard "1 New Message" because you know its not Fido telling you that you have used up all of your daytime minutes.
What you did is discuss over the phone why Denny Crane (from "Boston Legal") should run for President of the World and how Stewie Griffin (from "Family Guy") should be his VP.
What you did is visualize how you would plant a wet one on his cheeks and ruffle his hair when he finally came to see you in town.

What you did is reminisce about the events that never came into fruitition.

I don't know what is more of a consolation prize here - the fact that getting over someone in this case belongs to the category of "out of sight, out of mind" and hence crying in the pillow every night will be an event shorter than the season of Oprah's Big Give, or the fact that you are strangely calm knowing that you knew *in that time* that you were heading to a labyrinth, and so when it doesn't work out, you... just... get... over... it.... unfortunately.

I've never been one to covet long distance relationships. It just doesn't work with me. You would think that given my nature to forego all the pleasures in the world for a surreal, utopian kind of love that transcends time and distance, I would be all gung-ho about it. But the reality is the opposite, because I'm a little more messed up than that - to me, love cannot be complete without passion, and passion cannot be complete if you are unable to look at someone's eyes every time you feel  that inkling of desire for them.

I will admit, however, that I have been open to the whole long distance crap on more than one occasion.  That... is the irony, ladies and gents. I have tried, because the type of people I seem to be inexplicably drawn to definitely do not reside anywhere within 100 kms of me. Canadians - bah! They are either in America, or England, or South Africa, or the guy who owns some island in Bora Bora, or hell, or.... Australia.

As much as I love my fabulous life, sucks to be me sometimes.

But AJ, my Ozzie friend, you suck MORE because you KNOW that you're getting knee deep in some(thing/one) because you're doing it all within home base! Unless you pull an "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", you're going to be stuck with more than just memories of favourite spots!

Comments

I do agree with you: Those long distance relationships are just torture and a wait for the inevitable. And it just sucks.... There's no physicallity at all. If the chick is sad or crying or whatever, the thing to do is give her a hug (right?) but with these long distance things its just "Uhh... I wish i cud hug ya" wtf!? Although its supposed to be the thoughts that count, thinkin of someone can only take a person so far. People need to be impressed, need to be seduced, need to be complimented and its not so validating over a phone line. So once again, i agree i agree. :)

[TaKiLLa]

Long Distance - Right.. Neva ever wrked for me.. And i define long distance as an hours drive from my house..

So i dunno..

O i will so vote for Stewie Griffin...

TaKiLLa

[AJ]

bitch.
but im famous! im on i-shit-aaaaaaa *plop*'s blog!!

[S]

Long distance relationships do take a lot of extra patience, but at times they have their pros too. You realize that you are two individuals with two lives and you learn not to become too dependent and have a life as well within a relationship and understand that your partner needs that too. You learn a much patience and understanding 'cause your schedules for aim messaging or phone calls will not always work out etc. Kinda sounds crappy but those things can really bring two people closer together as well, I guess each case is unique, and in the end the distance will close eventually when you're finally together for good! And I'm saying all that considering my long distance relationship in this case is a 7 hour flight to UK! (always loved their accent)

[pi]

the thing about long distance relationships as S above mentioned is that each and every case is unique. For some it doesnt work at all, for some it works only when its long distance (yep thats right, the minute you actually are together you fight and everything about the other annoys and disgusts you). So each his own. And true that about the places, you dont associate too many things with the person.

[Puja]

Hey Ish, I'm not sure if you noticed but the blog you stumbled upon from Zen's was me! lol.. Simpali is a nickname I had when I was younger.

Anyway, the boyfriend in med school is too busy to pay attention to me. Sometimes I feel bad for being so needy. I should understand because the future doctor needs to study and sleep, but sometimes I just want those hour long phone calls. Going along with your post, I associate my phone with my boyfriend! It's horrible because anytime I get an unexpected phone call, my heart jumps a little. It's so corny! :)

[working]

Awww, Dr. Working and I were long-distance until we got married. Then we still were for a little while!

[Dugi.]

from experience i've learned that
lots of things look better/ beautiful from far but stink close-up. some men may too.
that's all i have to say.

[syma]

what sucks the most is the inexplicable connection you end up having, and the longing you have for some, any physical contact.

My current manfriend lives 15 minutes away from me, and I kid you not, it's like being in a long distance relationship, we rarely get to see each other and rely on texting and instant messaging. It's ridiculous.

[Reemas]

Its all depends on passion for each other - that tells the whole story.

Reemas,
PrivateMarriage.com

[isheeta]

1st commentor - you hit the nail on the head, re: "If the chick is sad or crying or whatever, the thing to do is give her a hug (right?) but with these long distance things its just "Uhh... I wish i cud hug ya" wtf!?" .. i wont lie, this has happened a few times but with CLOSE friends... and sometimes when they are there, just their reassurance is validation enough for me. Long distance friends (not bf) are so awesome!

taKilla - cmon, an hour away?! what if your soulmate is in some frigid country like canada?! thats all the more reason for you to look far and beyond!!

AJ - lol, i love u too dickhead! Im sorry you only got a 1 liner as opposed to a WHOLE post... you just havent given me a lot of ammo to work with!

S - lots of pros... UK huh? good luck with that.. Ive tried that. I sincerely hope you have met him (Im assuming youre a chick :)) before you have decided to give it a name ie relationship. I have one of those horror stories.... which remained a horror story, did not blossom to a relationship, THANK GOD! Despite me loving the accent as well. *drool* At the end of the day, its how comfortable you are, and assume you dont reach to the point where the straw broke the camel's back (which is what happened with me).

pi - yes, true dat, unique. It is still very elusive to me because I am going to assume I have not reached that position where I am mature enough to fully appreciate, or to even go along with it.... because they just blow up in my face. I wonder if anyone can share how their LDR worked out.. positively... cuz Im really curious now.

working - lol, I am not even going to wonder how you two kept it going with the professional hurdles you had to endure!

Dugi - yeah, tell me about it! Thats like every relationship, long distance or not!

syma - ummmmmm....... I read your blog.. and he seems to be entangled with you.... but Im curious why 15 minutes seems like 15 miles... are you sure its not a game that someone's playing? just curious.

Reemas - word up for your marriage site.