R(E)volution of a Bitch - 2

Do y'all remember Red Bull?

The only guy who actually delivered eons ago, only to dump me by stealing MY excuse (i.e. the religion card)?

Red Bull and I have ... been friends since. On and off. On and Off. Like Paris Hilton's legs.

You know how some people become.. *gasp* fuck/bed buddies?

Yeah, gross. Not me.

So we have been strictly friends. He's been trying to get me for a while since.. some years are better than others. I always laugh it off. It's become a running joke.  I know he means it.. I mean, he's a guy and all.  What guy wouldn't go for a freebie? He's got nothing to lose. Stupid.

So yesterday, I did the unthinkable. I stiffed him.

I can't give you details. But I guess if I had to describe in .. many words.. you could say, it was:

humiliating
embarassing
expensive
hurtful
inconsiderate

to him. By me.

What I did last night.. after he was so nice to me all these years.. I wouldn't even wish to a first wife being cheated on by her husband for a young spring chicken.

Today, he deleted me off facebook.

*GASP* DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!

I know, if youre a facebookie, you know IT MEANS BUSINESS!!!

A part of me feels awful. He has been nothing but kind to me, in all other aspects. To this day, he always pays for everything, he is always very gentle, he is still thoughtful to me.. about me. Except the part where he is self-obsessed.

A little technical difficulty there, but whatever, he is only human.

Another part of me feels....  like it was just desserts.  What part of "no" is so difficult to understand these days? What part of "we're over" needs to be translated from Swahili to English? What part of "I CANNOT BE WITH YOU, ISHEETA, BUT I WANT TO GO TO BED WITH YOU?" is so normal? How many times do you want to take my heart and rip it up to shreds for the vultures to scavenge on? How many times do I have to want to shoot myself when I turn to you for advice only to realize that you think this is an opportunity for you to get some wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am? What will it take for you to realize that if I spend my time with you, it is time wasted that I can look for someone else?

I dunno if it is the PMS in me...... or if I'm taking this being a bitch revolution a little too seriously.. but when I went to that rocking party last night.. and faced with the prospect of making small talk with random strangers for 'networking/getting to know someone', I just couldn't be bothered.

WHY should I go out of my way to make small talk with these losers who I have no interest in? WHY should I put myself out there and be in my best behaviour for others who won't remember me past their 2nd drink? WHY should I care about these yuppie generation people who have more baggage than Air Canada's Lost Baggage Department? WHY should I care what they do for a living, if their idea of a living constitutes of wanting to save the world/making contacts for the future/getting numbers/making new facebook friends? WHY should I care that they know Lenny Kravitz? How is Leny Kravitz going to contribute to MY future? WHY should I look like I have won the lottery when all I want to do is take off my heels and curl up to the sofa and watch something romantic like Reservoir Dogs? WHY should I pretend to be interested in their love lives, or lack thereof? WHY should I meet them for coffee when my first instinct would be to throw a steaming cup of one at them?

WHY should I pretend to be so goddamned nice to the world, when I am completely and hopelessly disillusioned by it?

Comments

Ah well... Being nice cos u wanna get into someone's pants is just that isn't it? I understand the whole friendship thing but didnt u find it quite disrespectful? I'm actually surprised that you didn't drop him sooner.

[isheeta]

.. I know.. it is pretty disrespectful... even gross... but I guess as a girl, that is how I see it... or a normal third person perspective... but to the culprit doing it.. its as if he has been stabbed in the heart a little too many times.. which is so not fair.. how do you get an egomaniac to see that side though?

I dont care that he's gone.. I just care that I've hurt someone...