Desi Girl Called Isheeta

Bonjour, tristesse!

Hint: Jumping off cliff vs. in-laws

Scorecard

cliff: 1

in-laws: 0

Uncut version here.

Running of the bulls

On Friday, the world was awash with news of the grand O, the queen bee of talk show, retiring.

I bemoaned on my Twitter page how the world can now move on to a hype of a different kind because lets face it, H1N1 was now becoming stale news, and the consumerist mass needed more of the same bs to while away our humdrum working days spent near the watercooler.

It was hard to feel sorry  over this announcement.. I mean, its Oprah. The RICHEST woman in the world. The lady that gave us.. Dr Phil! Dr. Oz! All crackpots in one! She made you feel so good inside with her challenges in yo-yo dieting, or her background to overcome all obstacles to be the richest and most successful African-American woman today. Our good old, kind, wise-crackin, sympathetic, fact-checking challenged, much loved talk show host who bought Aish & Abhi to our living rooms and showed us how retarded people in North America can be about retarded people outside of North America, the same lady that showed us how scientology can cause one to jump in leaps and bounds on sofas, the same lady that gives away SUVs to every single guest on her shows because she was feeling generous, the same lady that makes miracles happen. You wanna hate her, but you can't.. she's no witch, awww shucks she's just Oprah hallelluah!

I didnt bat an eyelid for her "shocking" announcement. I mean, if my car breaks down, can Oprah call the CAA for me and have it towed? If my husband has a tiff with me, can Oprah smack him on the head and tell him that I'm right (because I'm always right, d'uh). If I hate my job, can Oprah find me a job that I like? When I'm hungry and pining for a chocolate cheesecake, will Oprah go to the kitchen and bake me one? If my mother in law is being mean, can Oprah just.. you know.. shut her up, permanently? I THINK NOT!!! Oprah, as nice as a permanent fixture she has been in my living room, cannot solve mankind's problems nor my family drama, so no, I do not turn to Oprah and ask whywhywhy Why God?!

And so I did not shed any tears.

But then today I saw this:

And.. I dont know what happened... I saw this teary little vision on the newschannel of all worthy newschannels (Yahoo.com... be still my imaginative journalistic integrity of a heart), and this pic of a woman who won our hearts with her weighty issues, her need to grill you in the hotseat like there is no tomorrow, her need to make you see the light in that kind Aunt Jemima and her home-made pancakes sorta way, and those holding back tears... is it, me? I almost.. I almost.... almost... shed a tear, maybe a sniffle... and then..

I laughed.

Pfffft.

Oprah's quitting! WIll your life ever be the same again?!!!!!!!! How will you live?!

Um, ya. Probably. You will live just fine. So get over it. Let's get on with some real news now, shall we?

SARS, done. Swine flu, done and done. Whats next?!

test secret email.... because I CAN

I have decided that the only way anyone is ever getting my home address anymore is if they promise to send me mini baked cheetos.... my sources have just informed me that yes, these DO exist! And since I have not seen these elusive bags of personal gourmet food as yet with my own eyes, I can only conclude that they are as mysterious and elusive as decorum expressed by the likes of Chris Brown.



Dear facebook users of the world - donating your facebook status for charity/war causes does not mean you can now go back to your Mafia Wars game and kill as many family members and friends as you like, and feel good about it. The fact remains that both actions STILL remain a colossal waste of your time. I see so many people donating their status because they feel that this is ALL they can do to get the word out there.. oh boo hoo hoo! Hmm, I wonder what Mark Zuckerberg will do to that info.. oh wait, lame-ass news channels will take that info to gauge how outraged the people of the world are abotu a certain issue, because yes, facebook users that play Farmville and Mafia Wars are typical examples of people taking action to save the world! Behold, hear their calls! Why don't you use that time to scratch your butt instead, I feel it would be a more productive use of your hands and ass instead.



Mother-in-laws. A word that sends more chills than ...gasp.. Paranormal Activity! Just when I thought my life was hum-drum and boring, they have to come into existence and make it all ...suicidal. Whee.

Finally, Paranormal Activity. WTF. Seriously, movie-aholics? The scariest movie EVER made EVER? Are your brains made of gooseballs? Do you not ride enough roller-coaster in your lives to give you that standard of comparison for scaryassshit or shit films? I slept like a BAAAABY after watching that. And you're talking to someone who gets scared of runny poo (sorry).



 

Quiz

Riddle me this, sweetpeas...

How ridiculously stupid/insanely amazing would it be for me to quit my job in the middle of an economic downtown?

Rate, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "are you effin-nuts?!?!?!who's gonna pay for all your shoes?!" and 10 being "nothing beats a bohemian life of counting pennies, instead of living a life best described as mindless existence with robotlike states of being dominating everyday, leading to a life lived unchallenged, unhappy, but plenty of lacklustre boredom!"

You get my drift.

"The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication." - Homer Simpson

If this is really true (I mean, I kinda doubt the quoter's IQ level here), then I guess I am from a completely different world.

I married a man who is an ardent believer in the power of communication. He communicates to me in every level possible known to man - via his eyes (he is always staaaaring at me! sometimes I have to tell him to STOP!), via his ears (he always wants to know what I'm thinking, which is usually nothing/blank as I am a closet guy), his hands (holding my hands!), and of course his lips (YOU figure this one out).. and other ways we will not get into.

It is almost enough to drive me nuts. I am really bad at communicating. Yes, I talk a lot, but that doesn't translate to me saying anything useful. The truth is - I'm expressive, yes. Communicative, no.

I was raised in a somewhat stoic household. There are a lot of emotional drama here, as in every family, but we never really said "I love you!" before being dropped off at school, before hanging up the phone, before being tucked in bed. I dont remember my parents kissing me as we ran out of the door to play, or kissing away a cut or broken bones. I remember my mom once wanting to strangle me because I refused to wear a dress. I cried then. Now that was love! I remember being yelled at for peeing my pants, literally (ummm, yes TMI, sorry), I specifically do not remember getting hugs for getting top marks in class. It's not like they didn't love us, they were always proud of us... it's just that they didn't show it. In hindsight, its not the kind of lovey-dovey schmucky love that we as North Americans are used to now - the all-out gut-wrenching loud PDA screechy stuff - the constant encouragement, the smiley attitudes. Hells to the no. Not complaining though, I mean as far as I am concerned I had a great childhood without being smothered by my parents. We were just a little less emotional than people these days. We were meek little kids. The Bollywood back then wasn't the Bollywood now - you don't have Kabhi Kushie Kabhi Gham movies then like you do now that forces you to swallow the lump in your throat every 2 minutes. I think thats the only movie that may have contributed to my current emotional expressiveness.

I remember one time bidding adieu to one of my favourite uncles, my mother's brother-in-law. He loved me a lot because he claimed he had always wanted a daughter, and he had somewhat made me his "makeshift/temp" daughter. I mustve been about 15 or so then.

He had just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and he wasn't expected to survive for long. My mom was devastated when she heard, but it was too late for any treatment. So he was going to go back home to be with his wife and family.. to die. He came to see us before he left for the airport.  I remember my mother sobbing her eyes out, as he kept on running his fngers through my curly hair with tears in his eyes. I guess now that I think of it, that was the only time I had looked into the eyes of a man who I knew was going to die, but didn't shed a tear. I tried to cry for him. I loved him. But I couldn't. I didn't cry even after he died. I just... couldn't. Last year another of my favourite uncles died, and ... I loved him A LOT. I didn't cry then either. Last year, my mother had surgery, and my dad begged me to go see her, while he cried - loudly, openly, heart-wrenchingly, in front of me. I tried to cry. My sister-in-law called me in the middle of the night, to say prayers for my mom as she went inside the surgery room. I tried to cry... but I couldn't. So I went back to sleep, thinking my prayers would be useless since I couldnt remember when was the last time any of my prayers were heard in the first place anyways.

But you know what the irony here is? I see a homeless cat run over, and what do I do? I cry!

I see a tiny little baby, who I have no relation with, in the hospital crying for mother's milk, I cry.

I see a photograph of a bunch of strangers kneeling in unison for prayers, I cry.

I see animals being killed inhumanely for food (see: Food Inc.), I cry.

I see Susan Boyle sing for cameras, I cry.

I see OTHER people's suffering, I cry. Or even when they are happy and not fat anymore and they are crying with tears of joy on TV (see: The Biggest Loser). But I can't seem to cry for my own family.

I am hopeless.

Is it because familiarity breeds contempt? Is it because I don't care because I know my family will be ok in the long run, while I don't know what will happen to strange animals or people? Is it because I am desensitized and... um, does this make me a psycho?

I have friends who say that they love me, and that they miss me. They are girls. Of course I love them and miss them too... but its reallllllllllly hard for me to say the same thing back, because even though I know I love them dearly, I am not used to saying "I love you!" just like that. Love is such a powerful emotion. If I can't even say I love you to my own parents, how am I supposed to say it to my friends?

I am close to all of my immediate family. I love them so much its ridiculous. Last year, my oldest brother went away on a trip with his wife and kid. His wife had family at the foreign country, so instead of doing a lot of sight-seeing, she wanted to stay home with her family. My brother was disappointed, so he decided to go see the sight-seeing stuff all by himself.

I felt so bad when I heard this, my poor brother who does everything for everyone without a complaint, yet it seems no one can do anything for him.

So I emailed him, randomly out of the blue, because I missed him. I told him, "hey bro, just a random email to tell you that hey I miss you."

Its so easy to tell a stranger that you miss them (see: all the dickheads I have dated who didn't miss me), but it was SO HARD to tell my own family member that I missed him. My family is just as bad though, he wrote back to me saying "Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I got your message." That was it.

Haha! That was classic. My brother is just as bad as communicating as me. But I wasn't hurt or offended. I knew that was his way of acknowledging that he missed me too.

We just can't say it. I talk a lot to my brothers every few days, wherever they are. I talk to my parents all the time. But we never pick up the phone and say, "hey, I love you and I miss you". We just say, "hey, whats up!" and "yeah I gotta go, bye!" EVEN when we are missing them. My parents are the same. The most we do is hug, show up from wherever we are and fly a million miles at weddings, have tears in our eyes when a sibling gets married, and give them unlimited access to credit cards. This is how we communicate express our love.

We do everything for each other, except say that we love each other.

And now, I have a husband who wonders why I was so expressive before with my claims of love, and how I don't say it as often nowadays. I don't know how to tell him that this is the part where I am messed up. Before I knew him, he was just a guy. Now that I'm married to him, he is my family. And somehow maybe I take him for granted, and find it hard to tell him all the time that I love him. Even though I doooo love him.

Which is kinda retarded, I know. I dunno how to fix it. I can write about my feelings... I think I just have to make a conscious effort to go out of my way to keep saying and doing things, because it's all in my head anyways, all that loving... its just hard to SAY it. Because when I say it, there's all this emotions and drama and tears that spew out of your eyes and mouth and you cry and really,  whatdoyoudowithallthosetearsanddrama?! you just go yeah yeah its ok, you hold back that lump in your throat, then everybody hugs and then everybody laughs and then everybody leaves and then the worst case scenario is that it is so awkward if they dont respond in kind because then you look stupid!!! I dunno how the husband does it, he loves it, but I for one think its just too much Bollywood in my living room now! I want to be closer to my family, I want to tell them that I love them and miss them, but sometimes I think it's too late or maybe they already know or maybe I'm being stupid or maybe its PMS which doesnt make sense because how can it be PMS when its clear that I'm not a girl because its obvious that I AM SO MUCH LIKE A GUY BECAUSE HOW HARD IS IT TO TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND MISS THEM UNLESS YOU ARE A GUY?! Really?! ...AAaaaah I dunno!

Communicating is SO HARD! Yes Homer Simpson is right, the problem in the world today is communication. There's TOO much of it and frankly I don't need it!

So seeing as I am in a blog triangle mess now with me, le hubby, and the unidentified in the last post, can anyone suggest a better blog host where it works like wordpress, but with some features mixed in with typepad? (hint: password stuff)

Gracias.

(contrary to a couple of emails received, no, the unidentified has never commented on this blog, so sorry for the confusion to the bloggers that I have met..... I was simply mplying email communication/friendship...and in the proces divulging a little too much information...aaaah my bad. tust no one! etc).

The hiatus is now over, I am almost home sweet home.

It's not that I've been uber busy.It's not that I've got so much shit to do that I have no time.It's not that I've got less to whine and complain about. It's not that I feel that Ihave nothing of importance to say where I am unable to bare my soul. It's not that I feel a myriad of teenage emotions or hormonal fluctuations ravaging my soul (a poet I am not). It's not that I''m looking for attention, or a welcome-wagon, or a reason to uphold/trash my logic. It's not that I am sad, or upset, or lacking in depth or that I don't care.

This blog, as amusing as it is to others, is just a way of baring my soul to the world.' Initially it was with zero expectations, but somehow later on it transgressed to seeking acceptance. For what... I dunno. Friendship? Shared common traits?

AND then one day, you meet this world face-to-face.

And you wonder WHY you bared everything to this world in the first place anyway.

At least for face-to-face.

I mean, youve just added another dimension/medium of the same shit that you go through in REAL LIFE!

Who needs that, really?

So then, you realize... with all the added drama in both dimensions, sometimes its just that you don't care... anymore. Just like real life.

Much ado about goo

You know how you love someone so much sometimes that...

... that your heart just.wants.to.burst and split into a million pieces of gooeycandylove?

... that you wonder how you ever lived without that person, ever?

... that you conveniently want to keep talking about that person's hair, mannerisms, eyes, likes, dislikes, laugh, teeth, farts, burps, smiles to anyone and everyone who would listen including the Chapters cashiers, the 16-year-old grocery store clerks who give you blank looks, the Vietnamese dry-cleaning lady, the Shoppers Drug Mart makeup lady, even your siblings who would rather watch psychoanalysis shows like Criminal Minds and Law & Order than listen to you yak about your loved one.. for the 100 millionth time?

... that you have already started planning for the person's birthday even though it is 5 months away?

... that when you are doing something as inane and mundane as putting on your socks, you envision his toes (?!?!?!) and you think how they like to play footsie with your toes instead of letting you sleep at night? 

... that your heart swells with pride when you realize he really takes care of you in ways that no one else can - he fixes your car, he goes to the gym with you, he kisses you randomly in the gym, he picks you up from work even though its way out of his way, he watches girly movies with you last minute even though he is exhausted, he is ridiculously nice and loving to your family and you feel you have won the lottery?

Yeah.

Today, I just want to smack his head instead.

Montreal, anyone?

So I'll be in Montreal after mid-Nov for a work seminar.

My FIRST work trip!

I was kinda hoping my first trip to Montreal would not be by my lonesome without friends or family, but alas! 'tis a cruel cruel world (barf).

So I'm there for 2 nights. And surpise surprise, I do not know a soul there (except B but he's travelling now)! Such is the mighty power of my astounding social butterfly skills. Wondrous, ye fate!

So I was wondering if anyone wanted to just drop by and say hello and we'll do some Montreal shopping and espresso in ye olde cobbled streets (oh wait, thats quebec city). And you get to meet la femme Isheeta! And we'll sing around exquisite fountains, just like Shahrukh and other Bollywood stars.

It's ok to say no, at least you tried :)

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

There's a lady at work who has been pissing me off royally.

You know, I thought that when I get married, auntyji snickers and snide comments would stop. But as we all know by now, problems don't go away.. they just transform and mutate into witches.

So ever since I got married, she has been rubbing it in my face as to when I am going to have kids.

Like hello you dumb snooty lady, the honeymoon bed is still creaking loud and clear, ok?!

So I have been brushing it off albeit politely, because well, its none of her nosy business when my uterus decides to go into overdrive. Also, I have enough emotional drama going on in my life as a newly-wed to start thinking of spewing out babies. This lady, who we shall call RoyalBitchInTheAss for simplicity's sake, is a few years older than me. So yeah, not so much, because last I checked, I wasn't ready to keel over the grave or a will. She also has a teenage son, which means she was married when I was finishing up high school.

So while I was submitting my university entrance applications, this lady was lying in bed with her husband ensuring the survival of her RoyalBitch genes. Her mentality is old-school mentality (read: dumb)

It also seems that this lady is more concerned about my biological clock ticking away louder than my mother is. She's a generally nice funny person when she wants to be, but she is all about herself too. She can be such a catty catty woman. Ugh. I CANNOT stand women who are self-righteous catty snooty little twats. Since I have been married, it seems the number of women who fit into this category have suddenly increased at an exponential scale. I cannot begin to tell you the number of women I have come across who are so downright rude, inconsiderate, and openly back-bite just to get a rise out of you because they cannot stand your happiness, or because they don't have manners, or because thats how BROWN women are - catty, self-absorbent little bitches. NO wonder there are so many single brown people out there! Put together egotistical brown guys, with even more witchy egotistical brown girls, and presto, you have the biggest load of brown shit out there!

I'm sorry, I am not talking about the general brown desi population so you can lay off those pitchforks, I am talking about the few brown people/stereotypes out there who ruin it for all of us. Like that lady at work.

Yesterday I was really hungry and I didn't want to go to the vending machine, so RoyalBitchInTheAss offered me some grapes. I offered her my thanks and tell her that the grapes are a better alternative than the chocolate because I am trying to workout and eat healthy and lose weight. Then she asks me when I am going to have kids, because according to her, I AM GETTING OLD and I only have a few years left, and I shouldnt wait. I was almost tempted to yell at her very loudly that I had no intention of bringing any kids into this world who would be subjected to walking excrement like her. But I didn't. I just said that I was waiting till after my reception. She bulldozes that information then she proceeds to ask me how old I am. I add a few years to my age just to piss her off, and she goes, oh you must have some kids NOW, tut-tuting along.

I hope this lady dies.

I'm sorry there is no other way of making me feel better, than hopefully be present at her immediate and sudden demise. Which I also hope will be long and painful.

Today, while I was admiring one of my other good friends at work and how great she looked in those skinny jeans, RoyalBitchInTheAss goes, "well you better do something about it then!"

By this time, I am ready to fly in a rage, so I yell at her, "RoyalBitchInTheAss, why are you so mean?! You are so damned mean!"

RoyalBitchInTheAss responds, "thats how you're gonna get to it, you're gonna be inspired!"

I tell her, "Skinny jeans thinks the same way, but she isn't mean about it! You're like one of those mean auntijis that I hate and avoid at parties because they can't keep their mouth shut!"

RoyalBitchInTheAss is shocked, then responds, cutely, nicely "I gave you grapes!"

I wanted to tell her that she could shove her grapes up her ass for all I care, but then.. it was the longest 2 seconds of my life. I knew this was damage control, and I didnt want to cause a bigger scene than what I was already causing, so I said, also cutely, "fine!"

I was seething. Livid. Ready to explode.

Why are women like this?! If guys fought, they would FightClub this out. Sometimes I wish I was a guy.

Then I went back to work, and googled for online voodoo curses. Then I remembered they're haram. Then I went back to my work. again.

She later came up to me, to apologize. She asked me if I was still mad at her, and then she said that she understood, it is hard to lose weight. Really?! REALLY, you piece of jackass flostrum? Do you really understand my emotions and why I got harakiri on you, because if you really do understand, hallelluah there is hope that you are not going to die a lonely and miserable death!

Instead of freaking out at her and bitch-slapping her like I had imagined, and yelling at her that I hated her guts.... I just got a little teary and lumpythroatish (??????????? who knows, I don't know?!!?!!) and told her that we are cool. I am such a girl. I (almost) cry at everything!

It's not cool. I feel like such a sell-out. I was supposed to yank her hair, have her ass-whopped by a crocodile while a wild animal was gouging her eyes out, then toss her around like pigskin in a field of burly football players. Instead because I didn't want any drama, I said its cool.

It is not ok. I cannot stand people who think they know it all and go out of their way to make others feel like shit because it makes them feel good, pretending they are nice later on. Did I mention I have come across SO MANY OF THESE in the last 3 months?! It is like the floodgates of evil women have opened. I cannot believe women can be so catty and so bitchy. Clearly I have not hung around enough women like I thought I did. I so prefer guys to women at this rate. If a guy hates you, he tells you. He yells at you so you never want to go back to him.  If a girl hates you, she will candycoat her insults, so you can go back to her again and again to be insulted. No different than domestic abuse. What the hell?! I am not speaking for all women, I am speaking of the women who have the ability to do this, and do it simply because they believe they can get away with it.

So rather than being a similar worst snooty, inconsiderate, self-righteous, selfish catty little bitch out there, I let her get away with it and decided to be the biggest sappiest doormat out there.

I still hope she suffers a miserable existence. or death. i'm not picky.

Progress

Last night, I went to the gym where I did some cardio at the elliptical and some weights. It felt  really good. I felt SO energized, and happy!

After all of that was done, I woke up.

Now I just have to do it while I am awake.

Intellectual stimulating stuff that married people talk about

Boggles the mind.

Ball & Chain

A few days ago, one of my friends asked me how my ball and chain is doing.

Clearly, she was referring to my husband.

I found it funny, but I was also insulted.

I mean, c'mon!

Just ONE ball?! Clearly you don't know my husband.

(ok, ewwww and ..it was just funny cuz I turned it around on her, haha).

Stopping the madness, finally

I can't stop.

I'm like that much older lady at work who wears those tacky leopard print pants and ohtootight top with spaghetti straps, exposing massive bosoms (oh I love this overdramatic word..shits and giggles) coupled with chunky matching accessories and shoes for tweens, and there you are all dressed in your sombre, professional work attire of grey sweater and black dress pants, looking all professional and rolling your eyes at the obvious fashion mistake in front of your eyes. 

You wonder what it is that keeps that 45 year old from thinking that she is not 16, but rather than waste your precious work hours delving into something so 'deep' and trying to see any logic in the lady's thought process, you decide to write her off as a nutjob and/or a freakshow. And in effect, your quick-witted solution to categorize her have ensured that you move on with more demanding, important aspects of your work day - namely, talking about Grey's Anatomy from previous night.

Ain't life grand?

There are so many things in life we cannot control - from the weather, to what the crazy old lady at the office wears. But there is one single thing that we can control - our perspective, our attitude, our thought process.

It's been 3 weeks or so since I last posted on how I was miserable as a blimp. To cut the embarassment, and to cut to the chase, needless to say my new efforts/goals on slimming down to a beanstalk have not exactly been fruitful. I lie.. its been hopeless. Unlike this economy, my eating schedules have had its daily fluctutations of highs and lows... ok fine, mostly highs, but I'm trying! Shit it's been so hard. It's not that I physically crave anything, its just that sometimes I feel... hungry. (I AM NOT pregnant, dont even go there, its only been 2.5 months! waaaaah).

I feel like that much older lady who knows she looks tacky in those garish silver shoes (yes NS, really, we have one of those too at work), but she STILL wears them because well, she got two of those on sale and its right there!! So easy and convenient! I KNOW I can change outta this habit, given the right will-power and support (and advice of a good fashion advisor), but you know, sometimes I just.....I just... I gotta say this... admittance is the first step... sometimes I *choose* not to.  Out of sheer lazyness! it's not that I even love eating, nowadays I dont crave food or junk food (a plus), I think its just that I am being very sedentary, aargh!

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in months. Ah, my gym membership is my monthly charity case.... without a tax receipt, dammit. It felt incredible, but I was huffing and puffing like a little piglette (my husband finds this cute...... oh ye of blind faith!) I know I should exercise a helluva lot more than I am right now (i mean, really, walking is not a sport, unless it involves shopping), but when I do work out, I feel like a caveman forced to do accounting when all I want to do... is club an elephant! I feel outta my element at this workout thing, I feel like I am outta sync with my nature.

I'm just scared that if I keep up with this.. this lack of willpower to take care of myself, my body, I will eventually be labelled off as someone who is not even trying. Someone will one day roll their eyes at me and wonder what the hell happened to that girl who used to go to the gym a lot and eat anything she liked. I already feel like a failure beause of this. And then chances are that is when, one day, I will stop believing in myself, and will start to think that others that don't wear tacky leopard prints and too tight spaghetti strap tops with chunky accessories and hideous shoes are the abnormal type.  aaargh. Nooooooooooooooooooooo, never!

I can't control other people's attitudes or pespectives, but I can definitely fix myself up.

Onward. The battle continues!

The Last Hurrah?

The problem with being not so anonymous anymore is that everyone knows your dirty little secrets. Or your stupid little thoughts. They may be smart and cute to me, but they are probably stupid to some one else.

I kinda miss it, just being anonymous and being in the shadows, and saying what is really in my head. So many people say or do things that can be hurtful, yet I can't even talk about it like I used to, because ..... aah, for a myriad of reasons.

I miss talking deep with someone other than my husband (he's so cute when he talks all.... smart), I miss exchanging ideas without being target practice, I miss being melancholic, I miss talking about my dreams, I miss talking about other people's dreams, I miss exploring all my potential that I took for granted while being just a figure behind the keyboard.

You know how sometimes you're at that stage in your life where you have just want to run away from everything, and start afresh? You pack up, move town, or just start a new job, or get a new short short haircut?

yeah.

I'm not sure where I am going to go with this blog. It's been a good run. Every time someone comments and tells me that they have been lurking for a while, from my horribly bad dates and heartbreaks to the beginning of my beautiful forever, followed by how happy they are reading about me, and my life so far, I go, "wow". it is surreal, Every Single Time. I, Ms. Isheeta, have done my part in helping someone just through my WORDS ALONE. Being a part of my life, interactive or otherwise. It's almost like winning the Nobel Peace Prize (except I'm not Le Prez). It's inspiring, but I dunno if I am as deserving.

I don't have a lot to complain about these days. Well, I lie. I do. But they're just not worth complaining about. My life is bliss compared to a huge chunk of the world's, and I find it exhausting, draining, petty and self-centred to just focus on me alone. So I have been focused on ...well, other people's complaints. It's just easier that way, and its a helluva more fun, yee-haw!

I read something the other day, about the ills of procrastination, and how you can avoid SO MUCH stress in your life by getting something done as soon as you can, instead of making a To Do list for much later. I tried that, and after that I didn't know what to do with all the free-time I had! I had been procrastinating the same way with this blog.

Should I stay, or should I go?

(i think thats a song, yes?)

(ps. to all the commentors that have commented recently asking for the pw, yes, your private emails are coming, as i promised!)