Desi Girl Called Isheeta

Revelations

So why do people get married again?! I don't know, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly justify marriage, but I definitely know why people get divorced.

At least one of them brings peace of mind!

Sharing is Draining!

Apparently once I'm married, I have to... *gasp*

Your advice would be REALLY appreciated! :(

Let the Drama Continue!

Unlike most people who stop blogging once they have found someone/married/been published/got laid, I'd like to think I will be anything otherwise. Fingers crossed.

I mean, once you're in a relationship, the ensuing drama just gets exponentially more! So much so that I have decided to add a completely different category titled "Dramamama".

Continue here... 

I feel like a whale these days. My stomach is blubbery, it jiggles and in synch with my jello thighs. Sometimes I really wish I was a white chick with skinny twig thighs. Sigh. Sometimes I don't really care. Does anyone care? No, of course not, no one cares about my blubbery body at the moment because the world is awash with more important news such as Michael Jackson's death! Hmph!

On a more serious note, however, RIP MJ. Your music was/is incredible, thank you for brightening my humble childhood with you, and I'm truly sorry to see you go.

When I becomes We

So it finally hit me over the weekend that it's not just about me anymore.

I've been single for SO LONG that... that... I forgot what it was like to be with someone.

Once upon a time, I used to think that it took two to tango. Then I was alone for so long that I decided I didn't need to tango! I scrapped the tango stuff and decided I was better off free-stylin. Ooooh yeah baby!

I don't know. Yes, I have dated quite a bit. But in the past few years, I have actually stopped enjoying the dating process. I looked forward to the dinners... and thats it. I had a standard date sweater/dress. I didnt even have to think what to wear on a date, because I had tried-and-tested outfits for the 1st, 2nd, 3rd dates! I had no templates for dates past 4th dates because ... well, never went beyond that! I dated for the sake of finding someone, so my parents could be reassured that hey, I AM trying. I am trying to find a decent son-in-law for them. I AM trying to settle down and do the obligatory daughter duty to get married. Even dating Sandwich was a process. Trying too hard for No love. All fake.

I remember in 2008, the prospect of staying in on a Saturday night was almost sacrilege/blasphemous. I would get anxious just contemplating the thought of doing nothing all weekend. I mean, yes, I could do laundry, I could have a quiet Me/Spa Day in my bathtub, I could just order take-out, I could rent a movie and cry in my ice-cream, my single friends seemed to have all shacked up, I could go out with my married friends, but.. I AM young! I am not a cliche. Why should I do that?

And then before you know it, I got used to all of the cliches. I actually looked forward to a Me Day on a Saturday night. I looked forward to rentals and sleeping in early. I got really comfy. My cat had more of a social life for Pete's sakes, he came home around 11 while I was asleep by 10.

Long weekends spending it ALONE. I couldnt even go away. GO away alone.. what the hell? I could be alone in my own bathtub or closet, I didnt need to pay 800$ for some resort in the Dominican! I had never spent so much time alone as I had last year. It was awful. I didn't really blame anyone (sure I bitched in ze blog but whatever). Friends can't always hang out with you because sometimes they have commitments with their loved ones. And even when you hang out with them, you see them in happy embrace with their loved ones. And that sucked ass. I found it so hard to put up the charade of being happily single, when all I wanted to do was to go to a cave and die. I didn't even want anyone to shack up with in the cave. I just wanted to be alone without pretending anything else.

But eventually I started loving going to the gym and doing the crazy fitness classes for me. I started to develop my own preferences for dressing up, and not to please some guy. I cooked for me, and not to show off my culinary skills for some guy. I developed my own lame sense of humour, and I liked it. I also had friends who really helped me figure out who I am, and I love them for it.

I guess I fell in love with me. Does that sound lame?

And then suddenly, you meet someone who wants all of you, and then you find yourself having to re-assess/re-adjust to accommodate that person. Not a lot, just a bit, and then maybe some more. BUT STILL the fact remains that it IS a readjustment. Yes, the grass does start to look greener from the other side.

And thats when you tell the world of single people that hey, maybe you guys ARE better off!

AND NOW... now, its completely upside down.

Now I feel like I have absolutely no time alone. It's not that I crave it alone.... well, sometimes I do. It's just that I feel like there are so many other little things you have to do, along with taking care of yourself too! The other person is doing it, and you want to as well. I'm just not used to being SO... with someone else. It's just that its always been about me!

I went to the Russell Peters show the other day, and Russell was saying how guys just LOVE to sit by themselves alone, and stare into space and think about NOTHING for half an hour. Their mind REALLY is totally blank. I was thinking at that point that hey, thats ME!!! there are moments when I am thinking of Nothing! and I love it! I am such a guy, haha.

But now, there's someone who wants to be such a part of you, and it's still so early days, that you don't always have that luxury of "me time". There are things to do, people to meet, things to plan... so much shit to do, so little time. Sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming, and I am left to wonder if I am actually cut out for this.

I have enjoyed my single life for so long.. it was such a bliss to be SO carefree and not have to think about consequences of actions, that I have become absolutely spoilt. Now, I have to do a 180, and actually start thinking like someone in a relationship. ME?! In a relationship? What the bejeezus?!

I have never, ever, had a regular, normal relationship. I have never been in a relationship where it was 2 sided. I have never lived with someone. I have never been in a relationship where I have not had to hide someone from my family. I have never have a regular, good old-fashioned relationship like everyone in Canada where you tell someone this is my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee. And now, I am all of that.

And sometimes I feel like I am doing such a bad job at it. I have forgotten what it was like to be romantic. I have forgotten what it was like to wait for someone to call you. I have forgotten that sometimes you should be the one making the call. I have forgotten that spontaneity is more than just a skydiving experience on short notice. Sometimes you gotta pay the compliments IN ADDITION to receiving them. Sometimes you need 2 spoons for the dessert. Sometimes you gotta hear the other person speak as well! I used to think it was lame that you have to talk to someone you love every single day. Like really, they're still there the next day, aren't they? And why do you have to tell them everything? Who cares what you ate for lunch? So what if I have a headache? How is me telling you about it fixing my headache? Shouldn't weekends be just good enough to see someone? If I'm mad at you, can't you just go home, sleep on it, and be ok the next day or write an email like you would to a friend and apologize and everything should be ok? Why do you have to do SO MUCH MORE? 

This relationship process just seemed to be more like a "out of the frying pan and into the fire" type of thing.

But I'm ok now.

I'm starting to... slowly, really slowly realize that hey, maybe it does take two to tango. Sometimes you don't always have to know how to tango. Sometimes you just have to try and make do and improvise and follow the steps as they go along. In fact, sometimes it doesnt even look like a tango anymore, it starts to resemble more like a hop-skip-and-jump sorta thing. But at least now when you hop, or skip, or jump, or even fall... you have someone to fall back on.

It's kinda nice. :)

Dear Single People of the world...

.. ENJOY your life.

You know that old cliche "DANCE like no one is watching etc?" Well, take that quote, and change it to "LIVE you have NEVER lived before". In fact, keep living so much that you will give the Energizer bunny a run for his batteries. You know that old monk who is camped out in the Everest with the answer to meaning of life? Well go tell him its singlehood. Nothing, and I mean nothing, not even a pool of Nutella, can replace the pleasure that is singlehood.

Because when you're in a relationship......... meh. I have no words. It's a ship of ... no, its a Titanic. Thats the definition of a relationship to me.

I remember every single person who commented on my relationship posts always always told me to enjoy my freedom. Like REALLY enjoy it. And I was like, I AM! Clearly, I was underestimating the living part. What they neglected to mention was the headache that will ensue as you will now become part of tag-team championship race.

Ugh.

Bleargh.

Single people, you lucky bastards. Damn you all! Stay single! It's worth every single dance, its worth every Saturday night, its worth every tub of ice-cream you can consume all by yourself as you watch when Harry Met Sally (dont fall into the trap! its all lies!!)

Bollywood Gold Rush

II'll keep it short and sweet today.

This man single-handedly controls a huge chunk of Bollywood music output/production. Behold! I give you Mr. Bappi Lahiri: Music Director

Thumbs up!

He would give Mr. T a run for his money. So what if you don't have a bucket of water being dropped on your head and flowing off your sinewy washboard abs like John Abraham... you have chunky jewellery to make up for it.

Just in case he isn't doing your head in with all the bling, sometimes he decides to frequent functions with a more retroesque feel that is reminiscent of the American anthem of the star spangled banner. Tis is indeed the mark of a mega-superstar!

Shiny shiny stars... so sunglasses in the night. Form AND function! Muchacho impressario!

This woman, who is singlehandedly one of the most scantily dressed stars in Bollywood out there (Are you listening, FilmFare Awards?), was invited to to launch the opening of an ICE CREAM shop in LA/Hollywood. They were going to name a milkshake/ice cream flavour after her (Madame Tussauds was busy and who wants to eat wax anyways?).

Ms. Mallika Sharawat didn't want to disappoint. She decided to show you that her milkshakes were worth naming.

This woman is just gorgeous. I am left speechless.

I'm sure Ms Kaif was wearing a bikini in this pic, but I didn't want to see it.. knowing Bollywood photogs, they would have made her wear balloons or drop paint on her head so I'm happy at the mere simplicity of this.

This to me is gold.

Friday Bollywood Funnies

Dear Bollywood,

Besides your copycut formula, this is why sometimes it's hard to take you seriously.

Exhibit 1:

  

Someone please tell me how she is supposed to look virginal and desirable to Bollywood lovers with a costume push-up bra. Her lacy sleeves seem to be a tad large for those svelte arms because I can't imagine why you'd buy a lingerie top and not even use the attached contraptions. The hair, make-up and get-up is reminiscent of a bad 80's prom dress gone awfully wrong. It's as if you were ready and doing your nails in your lingerie when suddenly you heard a commotion outside and in your mad haste to find out what it is, you forgot to put on your evening wear. And you were locked out of your home. So then you decided to play cute for the rickshawallah/guy next door so he could call the cops for you or ram down the door himself.

Exhibit 2:

This man is supposed to be the sexiest man in Bollywood. Until someone at LifeBuoy or Lux Soaps or Zest (desi soaps) decided to throw a bucket of water on his head for singing too loudly in the shower (Zest soaps make you feel alive, as per ads, and make you sing and smile in the shower with ... you guessed it, zest). Unfortunately rather than oozing sex appeal, John Abraham seems to be oozing goosebumps. Photogs must have had a field day because Mr. Abraham seems to be genuinely surprised.

Exhibit 3:

Salman Khan, the shirtless wonder from yesterday's Bollywood, seems to have misunderstood the whole Samson & Delilah thing. The secret to Samson's invincible strength lay in his hair. On his head. Not the pits. And while these days one must frequent the gym when the divine powers have not bestowed you with such, the fact remains that exposing le pits is not the same as exposing man chest/breastices - the chances of girls/men being induced to orgasm/swoon as they catch a glimpse of the free-flowing pit hair swishing in the warm summer breeze is the same as an Eskimo beating a desi kid in a spelling bee contest (1 in 10 gadzillion).

Exhibit 4:

This guy didn't have a paperbag on his head, so I added it for him.

This guy is also not from Bollywood, because Bollywood actors don't rely on shagadelic.com to find someone (since they rely on falling buckets of water instead).

I remember this person had contacted me while I was on that website (shuttup, I HAD TO, its either that or being shipped off to desiland to spawn babies, what would you have done?). I sent this pic to a few of my gfs and I remember one of them just couldn't stop giggling and almost peed her pants.

I know, I attact dreamboats.

Or pseudo Gino Vaselinos.

Or Amitabh Bachchan wannabees. Well, I guess that makes Exhibit 4 almost Bollywood.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

xoxo

(I'm British now).

Dead inside

Post here

(it's so freaking long, I figure I'll save some of my readers the headache - the ones that always whine about how long my posts are!)

As You Were

So after a LOT of thought (ie my well-earned lunch break at work), I have decided not to make the move to Wordpress.

I know I know, this kills me too. I am convinced some of you are as gutted as I am, since you must have been on pins and needles for my move because it is, in fact, an event bigger than... say, North Korea's plan to annihilate the world or Lady Gaga's plan for world domination that involves creating a colony of humans wearing granny panties with glittery disco panels as outerwear.

Sorry Wordpress, it's not you, its... No wait, it IS you, Wordpress. There just isn't any room for the kind of creativity (ie I need to do whatever the hell I want, thanks) I am looking for in a blog.

There will be a new sub-blog called IsheetaUncut, which will have the same password-protection as IshCam. This way, my world-domination of free-flow myriad whinings can continue as planned. I'm also branching out to Isheeta Shoes Inc. called IshShues for those shoe-philes (thanks to As'ad for the very creative name eons ago). It's going to be my little dream of a Shoe emporium. I'm not sure if this will be password-protected or not...hmm. Why deny shoe lovahs of drools that would give babies a run for their bibs?

Also, now I can continue with more Isheeta worthy Banners/custom headers. Hopefully all this creativity will one day inspire me to write my own book? Hahaha. Oh that was funny.

Ok, as you were.

Birth

So my pregnant lady friend at work is due any day. Everyone at work has been asking her if she is excited about this big day.

Excited? Hello? Do I work with professional drug addicts who don't know which way their ass is pooing?

I've never given birth, but I'm pretty sure even I wouldn't call having a golf ball the size of Jupiter come out of your ladyparts as "exciting". In fact, I'm sure it would fit into the category of "excruciating hell-on-earth-like painful". I'm sure women who have given birth would call my description fitting, but they might claim I am understating this pain (I forfeit that round, pregnant females of planet Earth).

Everyone's also been offering her suggestions as to what to name the baby (girl). Since the mummy is hoping her baby will be a strong independent, headstrong woman, I have suggested that the baby's name be... wait for this..

.

.

.

Oprah.

:D

One of a kind, yes?

Then she can get on the Oprah show one day, and be Oprah's adopted child, review books like Oprah (turn the pity card around when the author you reviewed was a liar), and who knows, maybe even get to meet Tom Cruise as he bounces on your sofa like a lovesick psycho puppy!

No room for creativity

.. in Wordpress.

Not even with the font.

Sure the statlogs suck in Typepad, while the stats in Wordpress are so high-profile it would give the Pentagon a run for its money. But do I really care about stats? I really don't care who reads it, as long as its not the guy and his family and....... ah shit. Maybe I do need top security.

My custom header is rectricted in Wordpress.. but then again, does anyone like my custom banner headers? I mean, to compromise, I *could* crop it or resize it because the current banner is the size of the global deficit, and it could use a shrinkage.

I LOVE my Arial font. End of discussion. Believe it or not, typeface whether soft or hard does determine your personality.

Finally, it's just a blog. A 4-year extension of my personal thoughts and struggles. Should looks matter?

You ain't go no alibi

Is it just me, or is every "theme" in Wordpress just Fugly?

Where art thou, Custom theme?

oh shitteroos

Check out the crap I have to do for the move :-\

I got lost when they said self-host. Um, excuse me? Why can't blogging just remain on the internet, whats this about me hosting or Wordpress hosting? Also, frig the what? .php? config? English, s'il vous plait? Do I look like McGyver or C3PO?

I WOULD really like Wordpress because I would like the flexibility of password-protecting a few select posts instead of the whole damn website like this :\

Help ? :(

Moving!

Seems to be the season of moving, from what I've been seeing lately from fellow bloggerites...

So I thought I'd join the bandwagon too!! (aargh, I've become a follower and not a leader :(

The migration should be complete by weekend end, but I do have a busy social life (I'm such a ham!), so please don't be surprised if I'm still trying to figure out how the whole shebang works next week.

Also, if there are any of you who have moved from Typepad to Wordpress, please let me know. Any easy way to move it?? Does this website still stay on?

New address will be....... actually, why don't we play a game?

The game is called: whats isheeta's new blog address?!

(hint: its not rocket science!)

Please leave comments, winner gets... um, being voted the Big Kahuna.

On a more serious note, I will be posting the new address just before the move (But I still want you to play the game!).

Have a great (long) weekend!